Why I Paint

The simple answer is “because I have to,” but that doesn't speak to the truth of the matter. This is why I paint:

It was 2008 and I was sitting with Rohini Ralby, my Guru, in her teaching room. I was not happy and physically unwell at the time. During the session she asked me what I would spend my time doing if I could do anything I wanted. I knew she was asking me what would bring me joy. As she and I sat, a short word bubbled up for me. It was like a whisper and my rational mind pushed it down, both not sure I had heard it and because I decided she meant something more practical and related to earning money. I just sat and looked at Rohini as she looked into my heart of hearts. Then she said the word, “art.” The word I had pushed down.

Over the next few weeks she began instructing me how to paint. Of course I had painted before, but not like this; I would stumble across a painting not knowing how to paint or how I got to the finished painting. It was hit or miss. Rohini patiently instructed me every step of the way. I knew I wanted to paint with oils. I remember this first painting. I got a stretcher 

That First Painting (Untitled, © 2009)

from Jim Condron, another artist she instructed. I then chose the color palette as Rohini had directed: Use three colors. As she said “use three colors,” I wondered about white and she said, “Yes, you can use white.” Even choosing the colors was at a different level. She said to choose one as a red, one as a blue, and one as a yellow.
She got me to recognize that colors have different vibrations by having me approach the process from a deeper level. The palette she guided my to was cobalt violet as the red, cadmium yellow lemon and prussion blue. As I stretched and gessoed the canvas I did as she had said and waited for the marks to arise, from the deepest place I was capable at the time. 

As with other artists I've seen her instruct over the years, Rohini was with me throughout the painting process: critiquing, guiding, and instructing. She insists we create and live from a place deeper than the superficial place I am used to hanging out.

Rohini Ralby

She helps me to learn to live from a place where God dwells and to paint from there. Every unsuccessful painting is due to my approaching the work from that superficial level to do it “my way.” Each painting success happened when I got out of my own way, followed the direction of God and Guru and painted from the deepest place I am capable. I owe my painting success and my life to Rohini Ralby and the Grace of God.

Rohini has a new book available with her teachings, poetry, and paintings: Living the Practice: The Way of Love, Volume 1. 

Non Dominance, A New Series

How to Start a New Series of Paintings

In this series I was looking to do something different; I wanted to go back to painting with oil bar.

I started by attaching paper to a hard surface and painting the paper with gesso and pink acrylic.  I then covered it with another layer of clear acrylic medium. 

 

 

As I was doing this prep work I was contemplating life and the idea of doing things the same way again and again with no better results.  At that point I chose to paint the series with my non-dominant hand, something I had never done in the past.

 

I began each session by practicing moving my energy out of my head and into my heart.  You can learn more about that meditation practice here: Rohini Ralby's Practice For Us. The overall design and subject emerged from this practice.  

 

The entire painting is done with oil stick, oil bar, painting knives, putty knives, razor blades and occasionally a brush.  The diagonal line was created by snapping a string covered in oil paint.  There is layer upon layer paint applied over 5 weeks.  Texture was created by applying oil paint and scratching and scraping the surface when wet as well as when dry.

 

Oil Bar Painting Steps

Below is the progression of painting from start to finish:

Click on any picture to see a close-up



 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

Some detail photos:

 

 



 



This is the first in the series Nondominance,  To see works from previous series, On marriage, click here.

 



How to Paint 3: No Judgment

Paint Without Judgment

It is my job to live the life I was meant to live and to learn from my experiences.  For me that means expressing myself and my tools are paint and paintbrushes. I also believe that I have to paint in the face of all the "reasons" that I concoct to not paint: I don't have a good idea, I don't have the time, I don't have enough talent, the end result won't be any good.  I believe I have to paint what I am capable of painting today and to tell the story I am capable of telling today from my own unique perspective.  I communicate with paint and it is not by job to decide (judge) whether a painting is good or bad.  It is my job to paint until it is finished and then start another one.

 

Selfish Artist?

A question in a recent discussion on Art Biz Blog about whether being an artist is selfish got me thinking. 
Some said yes.  I disagree.
My response below:

"My ego is what tells me I'm being selfish doing my art.

My Divine Self guides me along the right path.

Self-fulfillment is different than ego-fullfillment.

Fulfilling the ego is selfish.

Fulfilling the Self is Self-full. "

Lesson of the Century: Am I Being True to My Self? Part 2

Continued from Part 1: Am I Being True to My Self?

All of these qualifiers or adjectives that we use to describe ourselves or allow ourselves to be described by are just ideas. They are extremely relative and can change from moment to moment and person to person. One person may consider my art to be brilliant and another may consider it to be horrid and not to even be considered 'art.' If I can accept that my art is all the adjectives imaginable, both all at once and never, I can be open to any reaction. In this way I could find benefit in considering a point of view different than my own. If, on the other hand, I am attached to the idea that all my art is great, I will not be able to learn and grow from the work that is not-so-great. A valid criticism that could help me would undoubtedly go unheeded.

Through my practice of detaching from ‘being’ a painter and all of the judgments about the work, I actually become freer. If I am less caught up in what others might think, it is more likely I will take more risks in the work and discover more than I ever imagined possible. Both in my art and in myself. In this example, being true to myself is painting authentically. For me that means I might not ever paint a vase of flowers. I love flowers. They are exquisitely beautiful, but I just don’t see myself painting them. 

If the person who created this, um, outdoor installation (see photos) was self- conscious about this piece, they may not have created it and I would not have smiled as I passed by today.  Some may call it art, others may call it hideous,
I just kinda like it...

Please post your thoughts by clicking 'comments' below.

Lesson of the Century

As I learn and grow, I realize there is yet more to grow and learn.  Certain life lessons re-emerge and come around again and again until they are finally transcended. I have many, but one that is under all of them is, "Am I being true to my Self?"   For me it truly is the lesson of the century.  One thing I am learning is that being true to ones Self is not selfish it is Self-full.  It is moving beyond the limitations that the mind, the ego, or the small self puts on us and discovering our true nature or true Self.

After a lesson with my spiritual teacher  I wrote this question on my hand with indelible ink as a friendly reminder.   In this way I can remember and remember and remember.  The art in the photo is detail from a large work in progress which has the general theme of letting go of things that no longer serve us.   These 'things" are in many forms:  such as physical stuff,  ideas,  emotions,  personality,  roles,  habits....   It seems that the problem is not really with these things,  it is with our relationship to them.  For example, when we actually believe we are our personality traits,  we can be devastated when something comes up in our lives that questions that view!  Therefore letting go is recognizing that all these things are tools that are appropriate some of the time but not all of the time.  This letting go is what some call being detached or non-attached.

In my personal story, if I believe the sentence "I am a good painter," then I am attached and this does not serve me well.  There is no room for anything else.  The minute someone criticizes my work, I will be crushed.  I may question my choice to paint and may even fall prey to artist's block or some other destructive activity.  If I practice detaching and recognizing that painting is something I do this is a start.  Then I can look at the judgments or qualifiers like 'great,' good,' 'mediocre,'  'lousy,'  and  'horrid.'

 To be continued in part 2 on Thursday...

Please post your contributions by clicking 'comments.'

Who You Really Are and Expanding Creativity

One of the things that can keep us each miserable the mind and the thoughts that it decides to think.  We can just continue to allow the mind free rein or we can choose make a shift.  So let's continue with clearing out the mind clutter and allowing creativity the room to grow.  Earlier we explored ways to quiet the mind: Unleashing Creativity.   Taking it further, if we let our minds tell us who we are, that can be very limiting.  In Reality, who we are is limitless!  Once this is truly realized creativity knows no limits.  I discovered another blogger who exquisitely expands on this topic.  I'm keeping it short so you can read her most excellent post here:  Who Are You?.   Thank-you, Alethia Hallador, for a great post!

Post your thoughts by clicking 'comments' below.

Unleashing Creativity

When our lives are filled with everyone and everything clamoring for our attention, it can be a challenge to find a way to quiet the distractions that keep us from our creativity. Sometimes the din seems out of our control, other times we may keep it all going simply out of habit. Often it is going on in our own heads. This is not necessarily the optimum mental environment in which to foster creativity.

What if there was a way to have quiet without changing anything going on around you? If you have ever had the experience of 'daydreaming' and being oblivious to what was occurring around you, you have had a glimpse of the idea behind being quiet in the midst of outside distraction. In that case, the daydreaming was, most likely, unconscious and 'just happened.' Your thoughts probably flitted from one thing to another in an undisciplined way. In a more disciplined situation, you may have had the experience of reading a book and not being aware of someone talking to you. In that case, you were willing your mind to concentrate on the reading. Other situations that required extreme concentration and hyper focus were times when you decided what your mind was going to think.

What the above suggests is that your mind does not have to run you. You can learn to discipline and control your mind. And to take it a step further, you can learn to quiet your mind. As part of my spiritual practice, my teacher has taught me how to meditate. In some spiritual paths this is also known as contemplative prayer. I think of it as listening for answers to that which is prayed about. If my mind is in the way, with all of its shenanigans, this can be difficult at best. A teacher is critical to this process. Through this spiritual practice my art has come into better focus and my creativity has been allowed to flourish. In fact, I am painting again because of this practice. This would not be the case if my mind were running the whole show. And it is a show.


If you are not finding the time to practice your art, look to see if your mind is part of what is hindering you. When we talked about clearing out mind clutter (click here) , we saw that the incessant 'to-do' list with its made up deadlines is just one way the mind runs the show. There are plenty of others. Look to see what your mind thinks about- without judgment- just notice its thoughts. As an analogy: it is as if you are in a quiet room and there is the sound of traffic passing on the street outside- each car is a thought passing by. The thought comes, the thought goes. Another one comes, and that one goes. It doesn't affect what is going on in the quiet room. This is one of the first steps to stilling the mind. With the help of an experienced teacher, meditation can eventually lead to stillness despite the external drama. Eventually, one can abide in the stillness while going about her/his day.

The actual act of painting is one way I help still the mind. At the canvas, I am not thinking about tomorrow or what I have to do next in my day. I am simply painting. Right there, right now, that is all that exists. If my mind steps in, I can just say, "shhh, be still," and continue painting.


To unleash creativity means to let it off its leash. Stilling the unsettled mind can lead to freeing creativity. It is a way to give creativity the room that it needs to run. If this idea appeals to you and you want to find a teacher, visualize that the right teacher for you appears. For me, the teacher showed up within 2 weeks of my asking for one. What has occurred since has been the best part of the journey yet, not necessarily the easiest, but the best. I believe that practicing being still is one of the best things I can do for myself as a human being and as a painter.

Have you found another way to unleash your creativity? I'd love to hear about it. Please click 'comments' below to post.